This is so beautiful.' And the first take, I was like, 'Oh no, no, no, no, I can't do this. Everything from influencer millionaires to vegan vandalism to irritating colleagues at work. Each week, James and Tara sit down to chat about. If Mock the Week were an audiobook with no funding but twice the diversity. I thought I would be able to tune in and be in the moment and be present and just go, 'Wow. Weekly ramblings about everything, yet also nothing. I've got a tropical drink.' I was trying to put myself in some other world altogether.

I'm like, 'This is not okay.' I was like, 'Okay, where can I put myself? And I was like, 'I'm floating in the ocean, off the coast of Hawaii. I've just been trying to do my best impression of you' - the first takes, thank God it was on her, because I'm barely supposed to be there and I have tears rolling down my face. I'm just going to get to rest and take a nap all day.' But then when people are coming in, pouring their heart out to you - when came in and she was like, 'I've been faking it. Our latest Thought Train podcast features Dr Brett Edwards & Dr Mattia Cacciatori talking about Trump, chemical weapons in Syria and the complexities of international conflict. Oddly, I had to go to a place mentally that I wasn't expecting. I think just getting that permission from someone that she didn't even know very well, but loved so much and held in such high regard really just went such a long way. That idea of you're so strong… sorry, I get emotional thinking about it… but for someone to tell her, 'You lived a great life and you were an incredible mother and you had all of this tragedy befall you, and you still made such a beautiful thing of all of it. But him giving her permission to take a rest, like you've earned the rest - oof, that really, really got me. So the fact that they could have this very candid conversation about what happened during - I imagine this event that Rebecca carried around with her, for the entirety of her adult life. I think she held him in such high regard and high esteem and had him on this pedestal.

Or at least, like, there wasn't the physical presence in one another's life.

She saw him during this very monumental moment of giving birth and losing a child. K stuff really got me, because it's not like he was an enduring presence in their life.

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